Divorce can shake your life like an earthquake, making everything feel unstable. When a marriage ends, you might feel lost and unsure of who you are. Holly (not her real name) felt this way when she got divorced. As her coach, I remember her asking me, “Who do I want to be in my next chapter?” This question is about creating a new and better version of yourself that fits your values, goals, and dreams.
In a marriage, partners often blend their identities, affecting each other’s beliefs, habits, and choices. When the marriage ends, it can feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself. Holly felt this deeply, struggling with the loss of her role as a spouse and partner. She told me how disorienting it was to suddenly be without these defining roles. We discussed how hard this can be, but also how it gives her a chance to discover and grow.
The journey of self-discovery after divorce starts with looking inside yourself. It’s a time to think about your past experiences, values, and desires that you might have ignored during your marriage. Holly found that writing in a journal, talking with her coach, and hanging out with trusted friends helped her reconnect with her true self. She shared with me how these activities helped her understand what truly makes her happy and fulfilled. She confessed that she hadn’t felt that way in a long time.
After her divorce, Holly needed to rethink her values and priorities. She had to decide what mattered most to her now. Was it her career, personal health, relationships, or spiritual growth? To help with this, Holly created a vision board, filled with images and words that represented what she valued and aspired to achieve. By clearly defining these values, Holly could make choices that fit her true self, leading to a more balanced and fulfilling life. She also sought out books and podcasts that focused on wellness and were motivational.
Naturally, there was a period of sorrow and adjustment. Slowly, Holly began to look forward with hope and optimism. She realized that the end of her marriage didn’t define her future. Instead, it marked the beginning of a new chapter full of possibilities. Holly embraced this mindset and started to see her future as a blank canvas where she could create anything she wanted. By focusing on what lies ahead instead of what’s behind, she approached the future with excitement and anticipation.
Once Holly understood herself better, she started setting clear goals. We used the SMART system to set specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART) goals. For example, Holly re-discovered her love for painting, which she had ignored during her marriage. She set a goal to join an art class in the next six months. These goals were meant to fit her new identity and help her become the person she wanted to be. She also wanted to travel more!
One of the best parts of life after divorce is the chance to try new things. Holly found this
to be true as she considered changing her career. Then with some encouragement and
careful planning, Holly booked a solo trip to New Orleans, a place she had always wanted to visit. Surprisingly, Holly fell in love with solo travel and by the time we met after her first trip, she had already booked another trip to New York City for herself! Stepping out of her comfort zone was scary at times, but it was in these moments that Holly experienced the most growth.
Life after divorce can be tough, so having a reliable support system is important. Holly found comfort in several ways. She attended support groups on Circles, met with me weekly, and took her dog to the dog park twice a week, where she interacted with other dog lovers. These activities provided her with helpful insights and emotional support, aiding her in rebuilding her life.
Building resilience after divorce involves finding ways to support your mental and emotional well-being. Holly did this by incorporating regular exercise, practicing mindfulness, and seeking professional help when needed. She realized that resilience isn’t about avoiding pain but about recovering and growing stronger from it.
Rebuilding your identity after divorce means learning from the past and intentionally creating a richer, more authentic self. Holly found this to be true as she redefined who she was, what she valued, and how she wanted to live. Embracing this journey with an open heart and a resilient spirit can lead to a fulfilling and empowered new beginning, just as it did for Holly.
