Narcissistic Behavior in a Relationship: Signs & How to Cope

Introduction

When you’re in a relationship with someone who always needs to be the center of attention, it can feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells. Maybe you’ve noticed how their need for control or constant validation seems to overshadow everything else. Over time, it’s easy to feel drained or like your needs don’t even matter. If this sounds familiar, understanding narcissistic behavior might help you make sense of what’s happening. In this guide, we’ll explore how these behaviors show up in relationships, how they can affect you, and what you can do to start taking back your sense of peace.

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What Is Narcissistic Behavior in Relationships?

A narcissist, or a person with narcissistic tendencies, centers their own importance above all others, constantly seeks attention and validation, and often lacks empathy or understanding of others (May Clinic). In relationships, this can look like one partner prioritizing their own needs at any cost, including at the expense of their partner’s need or well-being. If this sounds like you, you may be asking yourself if you’re willing to pay that price any longer. Let’s dig into this a bit more.

So, what are some other traits we might see in a narcissist? Aside from their constant need for admiration and challenges with empathy, narcissists are known to be very manipulative. Control is at the center of these tactics, like gaslighting or guilt-tripping. Everything they do is meant to earn and keep that control.

When one person holds all the cards, an imbalance of power is created. There is no space for the other person to express their needs or wants. Part of this cycle includes a consistent dismissal of the other person’s feelings, and as a result an emotional disconnect forms. 

This type of pattern can take people by surprise, primarily because the relationship doesn’t usually start out this way. There may be love bombing at first, or this sense that you and your new partner are on the same page. They may make you feel secure, or like you’ve finally found everything you’re looking for. Unfortunately, it doesn’t last, as none of that was real. Idealization turns into devaluation, as the narcissist begins to criticize you and tear you down. There may still be moments of praise here and there, but this is typically to serve some sort of purpose, like luring you back into this facade that all is well.

Signs of Narcissistic Behavior in a Partner

1. Constant Need for Attention and Validation:
   • Your partner may interrupt conversations to refocus on themselves, or you might notice them upset when they’re not the center of attention.
2. Manipulative and Controlling Tendencies:
   • They might take charge of all the decision making, both big and small. This could include micromanaging finances, deciding who you spend time with, or making you feel like you’re crazy by denying something you know to be true. Read more here. 
3. Lack of Empathy:
   • Do they dismiss your feelings like they’re nothing? Does it feel like they are never able to understand you, or even make the effort? They may be lacking empathy.
4. No Accountability: They can never be wrong, or own their issues. You are always to blame (Healthline). 

The Emotional Impact on the Non-Narcissistic Partner

Now that we understand narcissism a bit better, let’s talk about how being a part of a narcissistic relationship can actually affect you. Yes, there is a massive impact here, both emotional and sometimes physical. 

Let’s talk about self-esteem. If you are or were in a narcissistic relationship, and you’re wondering why your self-esteem took a hit, think about it—when someone both tells you and shows you day to day that you are not enough, you are going to believe it. But let me step in and tell you that you are enough. It’s okay to have needs, wants, boundaries and expectations. In fact, the healthiest relationships have all of these things. You can’t have a healthy relationship without making space for these. Allow yourself time to heal and remember that you are worthy and deserving of good things.

There’s also a natural exhaustion that comes with the unrelenting feeling of walking on eggshells, holding things back or not having your needs met. It’s tiring, and it can take a toll. This can affect your physical health too, giving you headaches, making sleep difficult, affecting your appetite, and so much more.

You may also become isolated from family and friends. This may be under the guise that your partner is “protecting you” from them, or that your family is a “bad influence”. Really, it’s about keeping you away from the perspectives and influences of others, when the only influence they want you under is their own. If you find yourself being isolated from family and friends, this is a major red flag. Read more here about the emotional impact of a narcissistic relationship. 

Ultimately, there are many psychological effects of being in a narcissistic relationship, including anxiety, depression and even PTSD or other cognitive issues (Talkspace). 

Practical Ways to Cope with Narcissistic Behavior

If your partner has narcissistic tendencies, let’s talk about what you can do to cope. 

1. Set Clear Boundaries:
   • Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries! This is at the top of the list for a reason. If you’re not used to setting boundaries, that’s okay—it’s never too late to start. So, how do we set boundaries? Communicate specific behaviors that won’t be tolerated and follow through with consequences. If you slip up, try, try again.
2. Focus on Self-Care:
   • Prioritize activities that rebuild your confidence and emotional strength, like hobbies or mindfulness practices. Time to re-learn that it’s not only okay, but necessary to take care of you.
3. Build a Support System:
   • Connect with trusted friends, family, or support groups to find validation and guidance. Try not to be embarrassed if you’ve pushed them away. Give them a chance to show up for you.
4. Consider Therapy:
   • Professional counseling can help navigate the challenges and build healthier coping mechanisms.

Healing After a Narcissistic Relationship

When you are ready to start the healing process, it might be hard to know where to begin. Here are some things you can do to take steps towards that goal:

1. Therapy as a Recovery Tool:
   • Therapy can help you process your emotions, understand the patterns of abuse, and rebuild your self-esteem.
2. Rebuilding Emotional Health:
   • Practice self-compassion and focus on activities that bring joy and fulfillment.
3. Establishing Healthy Relationship Patterns:
   • Learn to identify red flags and prioritize mutual respect and communication in future relationships.

Meet Circles

Circles is a supportive space for individuals navigating narcissistic relationships to talk anonymously, share, and get validation and support from people who get it. Circles can provide a sense of community and be used as a resource for healing and moving forward.

FAQ

1. What are the common signs of narcissistic behavior in a relationship?
   • A few examples include gaslighting, constant criticism, and lack of empathy.
2. How does narcissistic behavior affect a relationship?
   • It often creates an imbalance of power, leaving one partner feeling unheard and emotionally drained.
3. Can a narcissistic partner change with therapy?
   • Change is not impossible, but requires genuine effort and willingness on the part of the narcissist. Remember YOU cannot make someone change, no matter how much effort you put in to be a great partner. They have to come to the conclusion that it’s time to change on their own.
4. When should I consider leaving a relationship with a narcissist?
   • If the relationship causes emotional harm, lacks respect, or your boundaries are repeatedly crossed, it may be time to leave. Remember, emotional abuse is still abuse!

Final Thoughts

Narcissistic behavior can create significant challenges in relationships, but understanding the signs and seeking support can empower you to make informed decisions. Whether you choose to work on the relationship or walk away, remember that your emotional well-being should always come first.