Trust
Trust is essential in any relationship. It helps people feel safe, supported, and valued. When trust is broken, especially through narcissistic abuse, the damage can be severe. This type of abuse can leave deep emotional scars, making it hard to trust again.
Amber (not her real name), a client of mine, once trusted her partner completely. “I believed he cared about me. He made me feel safe,” she said. But over time, his manipulation and lies made her second-guess everything. He learned all about her past and used it against her. “He knew my vulnerabilities,” Amber shared.
What Damages Trust?
Narcissistic abuse breaks the belief that your partner is on your side. It involves emotional manipulation, gaslighting, financial dishonesty, and infidelity. Each of these actions damages trust. Victims may start to doubt their decision-making and wonder why they didn’t see the warning signs.
Amber’s partner would tell her he loved her when she did what he wanted and withdraw affection when she asserted herself. “This made it hard to understand what was real,” Amber said. “I would say, ‘this is not how people who love someone treat them,’ and he’d tell me I was acting like a kid and to grow up.”
Her partner’s constant gaslighting made her question her own reality. “He would tell me I was paranoid or too sensitive,” she explained. “He’d say, ‘Why do you act like that? What’s wrong with you?’ when I was upset. I started to doubt myself and felt like I couldn’t trust myself to know the truth.” “He made me feel like I was the reason he got angry. He said it was because I did stupid things.”
Betrayal
Betrayal causes deep insecurity, self-doubt, and fear, which can affect future relationships. To avoid being hurt again, some become overly vigilant. They analyze every action or word from potential partners, trying to detect deceit. “I am constantly overanalyzing everything,” Amber said. “It’s exhausting, and I hate being this way. It’s like he ruined me for trusting other people.”
Betrayal also shakes confidence and self-perception. Victims might blame themselves for not spotting the abuse earlier, leading to self-doubt and low self-worth. “I blamed myself for not seeing the red flags,” Amber admitted. “It’s taking a long time to get my self-esteem back. I have to keep telling myself it wasn’t my fault.”
Amber and I have been working together to rebuild her sense of self and trust. Our sessions focus on understanding her experiences and recognizing how the abuse impacted her. We also work on practical steps to help her move forward.
Rebuilding Trust
Rebuilding trust after narcissistic abuse takes time and effort. It starts with restoring self- trust and slowly learning to trust others again.
Here are some steps we are using in her recovery process:
• Self-reflection
Joining Circles support groups provides a safe space to express emotions and gain insights from others who faced similar situations. This support helps her to process and understand her complex feelings.
• Setting Boundaries
Establish clear, healthy boundaries in future relationships. This allows her to rebuild trust at her own pace within a safe environment. Learning to set and maintain these boundaries teaches others how to interact with her in ways that reinforce trust.
Personal Growth and Healing
While the betrayal experienced during narcissistic abuse profoundly affects one’s ability to trust, it also presents an opportunity for personal growth. By facing and working through these tough experiences, individuals can heal and build stronger, more satisfying relationships in the future.
