10 Essential Steps to Surviving Narcissistic Abuse

Introduction

If you’re recovering from narcissistic abuse, you know how challenging that recovery can be. You may feel lost, drained, or unsure of who you are afterward. You’re not alone in this; many others have faced similar struggles and come out stronger. You can, too! 

In this guide, we’ll explore ten essential steps to help you reclaim your life and build emotional strength. Each step is designed to provide practical advice and support you as you work through this. Let’s get started and take those first steps toward healing together!

Understanding the Effects of Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissistic abuse can leave you feeling confused and isolated. If you’re unsure if what you’ve been experiencing falls under narcissistic abuse, I give examples of a narcissistic husband or partner, here. Anna Granter also has a great article detailing the primary characteristics of a narcissist and the stages often associated with narcissism.You may be feeling anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem as a result of the abuse you’ve endured. According to the CPTSD Foundation, some survivors may develop complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD), making the healing process more complicated. Understanding these effects helps you know that your feelings are valid and that healing is possible.

10 Essential Steps to Surviving Narcissistic Abuse from a Mental Health Professional

Step 1: Acknowledge the Abuse

Perhaps this seems obvious, but the first step to healing is recognizing that what you went through was abuse. This can be hard, as narcissists often make you doubt your own experiences. It can take years for many people to identify their partner as a narcissist (or as someone who is exhibiting narcissistic behaviors). This is not your fault—it’s important to remember that manipulation is a cornerstone of narcissism, and this can interfere with clear thinking. 

Once you do recognize the abuse, allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling. You might try a coping skill like journaling, which can help you sort through your thoughts and begin to understand what you went through.

Step 2: Set Strong Boundaries

This step is crucial. Boundaries are necessary for your recovery. They keep you safe and help you take back your space. If you struggle with this, don’t let it discourage you. Many people are—this is not something we’re often taught. In fact, others, like your narcissistic partner, may have made you feel that boundaries are wrong. Let me clarify: they aren’t. 

Start by figuring out what you are okay with and what you’re not. It might feel strange to say “no” at first, but trust me, it becomes easier with time. For more on boundaries, you can read more here.

Step 3: Disconnect: The No-Contact Rule

If possible, cutting off all contact with the narcissist is usually the best way to heal. This can be really tough if you share responsibilities, like kids or work. Many people are also navigating a complex divorce. This may mean needing to discuss legal issues, assets, etc.

However, creating space for yourself is vital. Staying in touch often pulls you back into the cycle of abuse, so focus on your own healing. I recommend setting boundaries around when and how you communicate if you have to at all. 

For example, some people may refuse contact through any method other than e-mail. This ensures that they are not flooded with messages or calls throughout the day, and can decide when and how they want to communicate with their ex. A tip for enforcing those boundaries: if they refuse to stop contacting you, block them. I know it sounds harsh, but remember, refusing to adhere to boundaries has consequences. 

If you’re still in the process of leaving your relationship, I recommend David Youll’s article on escaping narcissistic abuse.

Step 4: Educate Yourself

Understanding narcissism can really help you take charge of your healing. When you learn about the traits and behaviors of narcissistic personalities, it can bring clarity to what you’ve experienced. This knowledge can feel freeing and guide you on your path to recovery. If you want to dive deeper, the Mayo Clinic has a guide on Narcissistic Personality Disorder that breaks down the symptoms and traits in an easy-to-understand way. 

Step 5: Rebuild Your Self-Esteem

You may have noticed that narcissistic abuse has severely affected your feelings of self-worth. As difficult as this can be, it’s never too late to build your self-esteem back up. You can work on this by doing things that make you feel good about yourself. Spend time on hobbies, connect with supportive friends, and try positive affirmations to reshape how you view yourself. 

Step 6: Practice Self-Care

Taking care of yourself is key during this time. I have always been an avid supporter of self-care no matter what you’re going through, but this is particularly the case in the face of abuse. Make it a point to focus on your physical and emotional health. Eat well, sleep enough, and engage in regular exercise. Remember, your physical and mental health are connected!

Step 7: Process Your Emotions

A big part of healing involves allowing yourself to feel different emotions. It’s okay to feel angry, sad, or even relieved. You may even feel conflicting things. That’s okay. Talk to someone you trust about your feelings, or use creative outlets like art or writing to express what you’re going through. Letting your emotions exist simply for what they are is a healthy part of the recovery process.

Step 8: Develop a Daily Routine

Getting into a daily routine can help significantly when everything feels out of whack. You are probably going through a lot of changes right now, already. Try setting up a loose schedule that mixes work, self-care, and some downtime. Having a plan for your day can make things feel a bit more manageable and help you feel like you’re taking charge of your life. 

Step 9: Focus on Personal Growth

It may not feel like it right away, but this experience can be an opportunity for personal growth. Reflect on what you value and what you want in life moving forward. Setting goals, even small ones, can give you direction. Explore new interests or revisit old ones. This journey is about discovering who you are outside of the abusive relationship.

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Step 10: Seek Professional Support

Finding support is vital after experiencing narcissistic abuse. Whether it’s through friends, family, or professionals, having someone to talk to can make a huge difference.

How Support Groups Can Help to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse

Support groups can be incredibly helpful for those recovering from narcissistic abuse. They offer a space where you can connect with people who truly get what you’re going through. Sharing your experiences and listening to others can validate your own experience, reminding you that you’re not alone. Many find that being part of a supportive community like Circles helps rebuild their self-worth and speeds up the healing process.

FAQs

How long does it take to heal from narcissistic abuse?
Healing is a personal, subjective journey. There is no set timeline. Some may take months to heal, while others might take years. Be patient with yourself.

How can mindfulness help in recovering from narcissistic abuse?
Mindfulness is a tool to help you stay present and manage overwhelming feelings. It can promote emotional awareness and resilience.

Is it normal to feel guilty after leaving a narcissist?
Yes! Guilt is extremely common among survivors. This is often the result of the manipulative tactics of your abuser. If you struggle with guilt, try to remind yourself that you deserve a healthy relationship.

What should I do if I can’t go no-contact with a narcissist?
If no contact isn’t possible, focus on setting clear boundaries and minimizing interactions.

Meet Circles Online Support Groups for Healing & Surviving Narcissistic Abuse

Circles offers online support groups for people recovering from narcissistic abuse. These groups provide a safe space to share experiences and connect with others who understand what you’re going through. Join us to take a step toward healing.

Conclusion

Recovering from narcissistic abuse may seem impossible, but you’re not alone. By following these ten essential steps and reaching out for support, you can take back your life and rebuild your self-esteem.