Raise your hand if you’ve ever Googled “how to get over a breakup.”
Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Sometimes our feelings can be so overwhelming that we can’t help but seek out additional guidance or support. Whether your relationship lasted a year, a decade, or a quarter of a century, no longer sharing your life with someone you thought you’d be with forever is a difficult new reality to process.
Part of that process is grief. Grief is a response to a loss, and you just lost someone. It is normal for you to experience what is typically considered the stages of grief, as well as other emotions connected to witnessing your former partner move on with their life or equally experiencing pain.
This has become even more prevalent recently given the COVID-19 pandemic. Although the divorce rates in the US hit a record low in 2019, with only 14.9 marriages out of every 1000 marriages ending in divorce, in 2020 law firms saw an increase in requests to start proceedings. Sales of online self-help divorce agreements rose by 34% compared to the same period in 2019, and family lawyers surveyed in April and July 2020 reported a 25% to 35% increase in requests to start divorce proceedings compared to the same time in 2019.
Needless to say, there are so many people who are currently experiencing heartache and grief, in addition to dealing with the ramifications of the pandemic. This isn’t an easy time for anyone, but it’s especially not easy for those who are dealing with a divorce, separation, or breakup.
Getting over a breakup is no easy feat, and despite what listicles and other articles would have you believe, there is no one size fits all solution for getting over a breakup or a perfect recipe. There are a number of things you can do to alleviate what you’re going through, but figuring out what works best for you is also part of that process.
It’s incredibly important that you allow yourself to grieve. Feeling angry, sad, in denial, or any other emotion typically present during the grieving process is normal. Let those feelings out, don’t keep them in. Carrying that weight will keep you from moving forward, and it’s vital you do yourself a favor and lessen the load.
Something that will help along the way is purging your ex’s content. If you keep perusing what they’re posting you’ll be so distracted by the past that you won’t be looking towards your future. By removing their content from your life, you’re removing the daily emotional triggers that come with it.
While you should definitely limit your social media usage in regards to your ex, you shouldn’t limit your social activity with your loved ones. Schedule plans with your friends and family (and attend them!). After losing the romantic love you were nurturing in your relationship, it’s important to surround yourself with the love that has been there for you all along. Your romantic relationship may have ended, but your other relationships are the foundation that will keep you steady.
There is also no shame in seeking additional help. Friends and family can offer support and help you feel less alone, but sometimes it’s just not enough. Support groups can help you connect with other people going through a divorce or separation. Ironically, being with other people going through a breakup actually helps you gain more insight into how you’re coping with yours. Not only that but helping someone get through theirs will have the double effect of helping you get through yours.
Getting over a breakup is hard and takes time, but you will get through it.