3 Ways to Find Balance During Separation or Divorce:
Separation / divorce are one of life’s most challenging transitions. These events upend all of life as we know it and upend the future. You may have thought you had some things figured out in life; now it seems everything is uncertain. You’re probably experiencing a whirlwind of emotions, uncertainties, and facing logistical challenges to manage and overcome. It can be hard to manage yourself, much less the situation. All this can seem daunting and overwhelming, (even angering if this wasn’t your idea and you’re wanting to save the relationship or at least not get divorced). Amidst these disturbances, finding balance is crucial for maintaining your emotional well-being and ensuring a smooth transition to the next chapter of your life. This guide will help you navigate this difficult period with resilience and stability.
1. Acknowledge Your Emotions
The first step to finding balance is acknowledging and accepting your emotions. Separation or divorce trigger a wide range of feelings, such as sadness, anger, relief, guilt, and anxiety. It’s important to understand that these emotions are normal and valid. Suppressing leads to greater emotional turmoil and physical stress which can come out sideways in all sorts of undesirable ways. If you’re a person who has difficulty identifying your feelings, you might want to check out a feelings wheel. A feelings wheel can help you identify and comprehend emotions. If you need some help identifying what’s going on inside of you, the feelings wheel may be a go to exercise. Whatever feelings you have, allow yourself to grieve the loss of your relationship. Remember it’s okay to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist—which leads us to the next important thing to do.
2. Establish a Support System
Establishing a strong support system can make a significant difference during this time. This can be especially tough because you may lose some support during this time—not everyone will be able to weather this time with you, understand what’s going on or understand what kind of support you need. You may lose some friends who are caught in the middle. And even your friends and family—who may love you dearly and want to support you, don’t know how, and sometimes get weary and burned out. This can add more fuel to the pain and difficulty of what you’re going through right now. Be sure to surround yourself with people who understand and care about you.
Oddly enough, sometimes that can be strangers (although if you’re interested in avoiding an emotional affair, it can be better to seek someone from a sexual orientation that’s not a match to your attraction). Sometimes this can include close friends, family members, and coworkers. These are people who know you but many of them will also want to “keep you safe” and “fix” what’s going on—which they can’t. They may provide warnings that don’t fit your situation and be disappointed when you don’t follow their advice. They have good intentions, but they don’t “get it” especially when things (to them—and sometimes to you) drag on. Keep these people in your life (you decide what boundaries to put up). It may be that outside support will be more helpful to you and take a strain off your relationship with them.
One kind of outside help which many people use and find “lifesaving” are support groups. If you’re struggling to find support within your immediate circle, be sure to consider joining a local or online support group for individuals going through similar experiences. Support group members may actually “get what you’re going through” better than “mom” and the other people in your life who want to be there for you but don’t know how. Leverage all the support available to you—friends, family and support groups. You’ll be better for it!
3. Prioritize Self-Care
Self-care is essential for maintaining balance and resilience. It will help you regain your footing. Self-care is a place to return to throughout this stressful time. And it’s an integral part of your healing process. During a separation or divorce, it’s easy to neglect your own needs—maybe you even did this throughout the marriage. There may be many reasons why this happened, that doesn’t matter as much as taking care of yourself now and paying attention to you. Make a conscious effort to take care of your physical, emotional, and mental health. You don’t have to do everything at once—pick one or more things to focus on and go from there.
Here are some examples that will make a difference:
- Physical Health: Eat nutritious meals, exercise regularly, and get adequate sleep. Physical activity can be a great stress reliever and can improve your mood.
- Emotional Health: Practice mindfulness, meditation, or journaling to process your emotions. Find ways to stay grounded and present emotionally.
- Mental Health: Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Examples might be reading, hobbies, or spending time in nature.
