Acceptance and Closure
When we are dealing with life’s tough endings – a broken relationship, a job loss, or any situation that leaves this gnawing sense that things should have been different – we often find ourselves in search of closure. This search can be a deeply personal and sometimes-agonizing journey to make sense of and resolve lingering emotions. You see, we all can share the desire for resolution, but my experience has taught me that the most meaningful closure often comes from within ourselves.
Closure, at its core, is about finding acceptance and resolution after a difficult experience. I think many of us assume it comes from some external conclusion, but I’ve come to understand it differently. Sure, it might involve getting an apology, and for some closure may mean having that last conversation, but often life doesn’t permit that. For many of the people that I’ve worked with, and certainly for myself, what has been transformative has been the idea that we can create closure for ourselves, whether or not we are able to have those final conversations or get the answers we’re looking for from another person.
Mindset is Key
A major aspect of this is developing a fuller understanding of our experiences and perspectives, because so often our mindset can be what is holding us back. Take for example someone who goes through a difficult breakup. They may be constantly replaying old memories, going back and forth on whether they made the right choices, and feeling stuck. If this is you, you are not alone. I’ve found that this mindset can keep you from progressing in your healing, and that by taking a more proactive approach to examine your feelings you can facilitate your path to closure. This doesn’t mean ignoring the pain or suppressing emotions. The healing process begins with acknowledging and feeling the full range of your emotions such as hurt, sadness, or anger. But it’s important not to get stuck in this cycle of rumination and instead, find healthy outlets for processing them.
While it is challenging, focusing on what you can control is so crucial when moving forward. When a hard event happens, especially one outside your control, there can be such an intense feeling that our life has been turned upside down or taken from us. In fact, it is our perspective on what defines control in our lives that can bring that agency back. By taking this sense of control over our narrative and actively processing our emotions, writing in a journal, finding a support system or even seeking professional help, we can take huge steps towards creating closure where there may have otherwise just been frustration.
The Healing Process
This is deeply personal work and starts by really prioritizing your self-care when you’re going through these hard times. Moving through tough times and making some shifts in perspective isn’t easy. This comes back to why the basics are so important – nutrition, sleep, and stress-reducing activities. When going through a hard time, so many people find that these are the parts of their routine and self-care that falls to the wayside. We have to remind ourselves, however, that maintaining physical health is also crucial in our healing journey.
Often, creating your own closure means finding ways to symbolically mark an ending, even if it’s not the perfect ending you envisioned. This could be writing a letter (that you may never send), donating items with sentimental value, or visiting a special place. These simple, intentional actions can help provide a sense of resolution. It’s like honoring the journey, and letting go in your own way.
Just as importantly, reframing our thinking can allow us to see challenges as potential sources of growth and strength, so that the adversity no longer feels so crushing. It is important to cultivate understanding and compassion, both for yourself and perhaps, for others involved in the situation. This is so key to possibly shifting your perspective. When there is pain there is often a lot of blame – taking the time for some introspective compassion can make a big difference in your ability to start moving forward. Does this mean you must forgive the person who wronged you? No. It simply means allowing yourself to create understanding of the situation rather than relying on the explanation someone else may give you.
Embracing a New Chapter
Throughout this process of creating closure for yourself, remember that there may be setbacks, and old feelings may resurface – that’s completely normal. Finding closure isn’t about immediately forgetting the past; it’s about learning to carry it with you in a way that doesn’t hinder your progress. Instead of envisioning closure as a final destination, imagine it as a journey – a continuous journey that you have the power to navigate through in a healthy way. Each step you take in this direction builds resilience and empowerment, allowing you to embrace a new chapter with greater ease.
In essence, closure is a personal journey of self-discovery and empowerment. It’s about learning to let go of what no longer serves us, finding peace within ourselves, and moving forward with hope and resilience. By understanding that we have the power to create our own closure, we can navigate the challenges of the past with greater ease and find a sense of fulfillment in the present.
