Divorce can feel like being knocked off your feet by a rogue wave—unexpected, disorienting, and overwhelming. But just like any great surfer, it’s not about avoiding the falls; it’s about how quickly you can get back on the board and regain your balance.
I have often heard the experience of divorce described as “one of the most challenging experiences a person can face. It’s a tumultuous period that disrupts every aspect of life, from emotional well-being to financial stability”. So, amidst the chaos, finding balance is crucial for navigating this transition but how can this happen when we feel as if we suddenly thrust into a real-life game of Twister, but instead of fun, it’s more like a series of awkward contortions and ungraceful falls. The good news? Finding balance amidst the chaos is possible.
How do we do this? We know we need to talk about it, we know we need to look after ourselves but why does this help?
A group member once expressed her experience as “feeling overwhelmed by a whirlwind of emotions—sadness, anger, relief, and fear” He then quickly realized that suppressing these feelings was counterproductive. Instead, he tried to embrace them, even started journaling daily, allowing himself to pour out his thoughts and emotions onto paper. This simple act of expression was incredibly cathartic and provided him with clarity. This implies that once we have understanding of the emotional rollercoaster, the ride becomes more manageable. Well, for the most part this may be true…. However, one important thing to remember is that we don’t need to go through this journey alone. Finding balance IS in fact a journey… not a destination, it requires patience, self-compassion, and a proactive approach to managing your emotional and practical needs.
So we are faced with this problem – how do we do this when the whirlwind of emotions hits us and knocks us off our feet? A client of mine describes ways to do this by:
- embracing your emotions – journaling, talking to a therapist, or confiding in friends and family can be immensely therapeutic. Acknowledging your emotions is the first step towards healing.
- establishing routines – she has gone on to describe “To regain a sense of normalcy, I established a routine. During the early stages of my divorce, I found it difficult to get out of bed in the morning. Setting a daily schedule that included time for exercise, meals, work, and relaxation gave me structure and a purpose. Morning jogs became a ritual, helping me clear my mind and start the day with energy”.
- prioritizing self-care – Self-care is not a luxury; it’s a necessity during divorce. Make time for activities that nurture your body and soul. This could be anything from reading a good book, taking a long bath, practicing yoga, or spending time in nature. Taking care of yourself physically and mentally will bolster your resilience.
- seeking support and professional help – Surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Don’t hesitate to ask for help when you need it. Whether it’s emotional support, help with childcare, or simply someone to talk to, your support system can provide invaluable assistance and comfort during this challenging time. “This is where CIRCLES has been so helpful – I have really been able to connect with people who are going through the same experiences as me.” YOU DON’T NEED TO DO THIS ALONE.
- focusing on personal growth – take this time to explore new hobbies, interests, or career opportunities. Set goals for your personal and professional life, and work towards achieving them. This forward-focused mindset can help you find a sense of purpose and direction. “Self-care became a priority. I rediscovered my love for painting, which I had neglected for years. Spending time creating art allowed me to connect with myself and find peace amidst the chaos. Additionally, I made sure to eat healthily, get enough sleep, and practice yoga regularly. These small acts of self-love significantly boosted my resilience.”
Falling and regaining balance after divorce is a journey of self-discovery and growth. With patience, self-compassion, and support, it’s possible to find a new equilibrium and emerge stronger than before.
From my interactions with clients it’s truly inspiring how they reflect on how they have learned that every ending is a new beginning, and this transition can lead to a more fulfilling and balanced life. This is without doubt a challenging yet transformative journey. The difficulties you face—from emotional upheaval and identity crises to financial adjustments and co-parenting hurdles—are significant. However, the learnings that come from these challenges—emotional resilience, self-discovery, financial independence, effective communication, building a support system, and personal growth—are equally profound. It has often been shared with me that as people have delved into understanding and building self-resilience, they have then discovered an inner strength they never knew they had. This is a journey that teaches you to rely on your own capabilities, to trust your decisions, and to find stability within yourself despite external turmoil.
So, I encourage you to embrace each step of this journey with patience and self-compassion. With understanding and acknowledgement of the difficulties and all the while remembering that balance is not a destination but a continuous process of adjustment and learning. Each difficulty you overcome and each lesson you learn brings you closer to a more balanced and fulfilling life.
