Divorce is one of life’s toughest challenges. If you’re in the middle of it while reading this, it probably feels like you’re on a wild rollercoaster ride with all the ups, downs, and unexpected twists and turns. It can seem never-ending, but there is a way to get through it and come out stronger. As a Certified Divorce Coach, I’ve seen people grow and become more resilient through this process. You might be surprised to hear that many have told me their divorce turned out to be one of the best things that happened to them. It’s okay if you’re not there yet. Just be willing to believe that it could be true for you!
Let’s explore this ride through the story of a former client, Sasha (not her real name).
Climbing the Hill
The initial stages of divorce can feel like climbing the first hill of a rollercoaster. It’s slow and plodding. It feels like it’s taking forever. While you can see where you’re going, you can’t see what’s on the other side. Whatever is ahead is going to happen. At our first session, Sasha told me that she contacted an attorney a month earlier for divorce services. Her husband had moved out two months prior, saying he “needed some space.” She said with hurt in her voice, “I knew right away that even though he was talking and acting like it was a temporary separation, we were headed for divorce. How could we work on his unhappiness in our marriage if we weren’t even talking to each other? I gave him a month to tell me what he wanted, but as the days went by his silence told me everything that I needed to know. That month felt like it was a year long.”
The Initial Drop
SWOOSH! The world rushes past you with a mix of emotions: sadness, anger, confusion, and fear. This initial shock can be overwhelming. Since she initiated the divorce, her soon-to-be ex-husband had not been any more communicative. This took Sasha by surprise. She explained, “I started to wonder if he was ever in love with me at all. His whole response to the process has been stone cold silence. I was, and still am, shocked.” When she started to contemplate divorce, Sasha believed that she was ready to deal with whatever came up. It’s like watching a rollercoaster thinking, “That doesn’t look so bad,” but once you’re on it, everything feels different. Sasha wasn’t ready for the shock of her partner’s apathy and having to fill out legal forms, divide assets, and figure out parenting time. She felt both relieved and incredibly sad and angry. Like riding on a rollercoaster, you must hang on and go with the flow. You’re going to feel shaken.
The Twists and Turns
Emotions can be unpredictable, and you might have moments of doubt or setbacks. In our fourth session, Sasha felt disappointed with herself. In the past two weeks, we worked on changing her negative thoughts about the divorce. But over the past week, she kept feeling anger, sadness, and fear. To Sasha, this felt like she was going backwards. I reminded her that feeling this way is normal during a divorce and that she has the strength to get through it. Our healing path, like a rollercoaster on a track, doesn’t always go straight, but it keeps moving forward.
Coasting
Eventually, you start to see the end of the ride. You might be surprised to think, “That went by faster than I thought it would.” At this stage, you feel ready to start new beginnings. A sense of relief comes over you, along with a feeling of accomplishment— “I DID IT!” This moment brings inspiration and empowerment. For Sasha, this was a time to set new goals and build a new life. We talked about how she would celebrate her new opportunities and look forward to a bright future for her and her family.
Actionable Steps:
• Set Goals: Focus on what you want to achieve, both short-term and long-term.
• Pursue Passions: Get back to hobbies and interests that make you happy.
• Celebrate Milestones: Recognize and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small.
• Continue Growing: Personal growth is a lifelong journey. Keep pushing yourself to learn and evolve.
Seeking Professional Help
Remember, divorce is not the end but a new beginning. It’s a journey of self-discovery, growth, and empowerment. As you navigate this rollercoaster, know that it’s okay to feel every twist and turn. Surround yourself with support, practice self-care, and embrace new opportunities. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help, like therapy or counseling, alongside coaching. You’re not just surviving this ride—you’re ready, set, and poised to soar!
