If you’ve ever felt confused, frustrated, or hurt by your partner’s behavior, you are not alone. If your partner exhibits narcissistic traits, this can really throw a wrench into the relationship. The first step to handling this is understanding what these behaviors actually are. This article will walk you through common signs of narcissism in a husband or partner, why these traits can be so hard on a marriage, and give you some practical ways to look after yourself.
What is Narcissism in Relationships?
Narcissism isn’t just being self-centered—it’s a constant, excessive need for admiration and control. In a relationship, we usually see the narcissistic partner putting their own needs first, which naturally can leave their spouse feeling ignored or unappreciated. According to the Mayo Clinic, narcissism is marked by a lack of empathy, a tendency to manipulate others, and an ongoing need for validation. Living with someone like this can be exhausting and emotionally draining, and can wear down your self-esteem and mental health over time.
Top 10 Signs of a Narcissistic Husband
One of the clearest signs of a narcissistic husband is their lack of empathy. You might feel like he just doesn’t understand where you’re coming from. Does he often brush off your concerns or turn conversations back to himself? This lack of empathy can really chip away at the trust and closeness in your relationship (Psychology Today).
If he constantly makes you feel like you’re not doing “enough,” it might be because your partner has an endless need for admiration and attention. He may get moody or give you attitude if he feels he isn’t getting the focus he wants, which can leave you feeling inadequate (Simply Psychology). Both your feelings of inadequacy and his neverending need for attention are red flags that you are in a narcissistic relationship. It’s important to remember that, unfortunately, no matter what or how much you do, it may never be enough, because this need comes from something they are lacking within themselves, rather than something external, like something you are or are not doing.
You may also notice an exaggerated sense of self-importance. This may look like inflating his accomplishments, skills, or talents to frame himself as someone who is special or superior. Even in seemingly small situations, you may notice him assume his preferences take priority. This self-importance can create an imbalance, leaving you to feel like your needs, interests and accomplishments are unimportant.
Does your partner manipulate you using guilt trips, ultimatums, or gaslighting to seize control over you or over situations? Do you notice his actions centering around what benefits him? These are also warning signs that your partner may be a narcissist. A common example we often see in narcissistic relationships is the pressure of claims like, “If you really loved me, you’d do this,” to pressure the other person into a decision. Manipulation may also look like explaining away or brushing off your concerns to pretend like everything is okay, and to avoid accountability in addressing them. If any of this sounds familiar, it’s likely your own desires and boundaries are consistently overridden.
It’s also common to experience belittling or demeaning language in a narcissistic relationship. If you feel like you’re constantly being criticized or mocked by your spouse, take note. When confronted, your partner may accuse you of bein overly sensitive, or claim the comment was “a joke”. Regardless, constant criticism from a partner can easily chip away at your confidence and should be taken seriously.
You might notice he rarely, if ever, takes responsibility for his actions. This is a major red flag. When things don’t go his way, he’s quick to shift the blame onto you or others, making it almost impossible to have real conversations about accountability. If he’s stressed from work, for example, that frustration often gets unfairly directed at you.
You might also feel like his needs are always the priority. He expects you to bend your schedule or plans to suit him, without giving the same consideration back. This entitlement can lead to a lot of tension, especially if you feel like your own needs are constantly put on the back burner.
Then there’s the issue of criticism—he doesn’t handle it well. Even gentle feedback can trigger a defensive or angry response, which can shut down any chance of working through issues together. This reaction makes it hard to move forward, leaving you with a pile of unresolved feelings. You may find yourself avoiding any important discussions, for fear of confrontation. I often see people in narcissistic relationships learning to keep quiet as to not “rock to boat”, to keep the peace. This is a self-defense mechanism that is not healthy, and though it may be effective in those short-term arguments, it means real issues are being avoided and never resolved.
And to others? He often seems like the perfect partner. Around friends or family, he may be charming and likable, but that changes when you’re alone. This can be incredibly isolating, especially when others don’t see or believe the behavior you’re experiencing behind closed doors. Many people experience this, feeling like they’re crazy because they’re the only one who can see the manipulation and toxic behaviors. If this is you, let me assure you—you are not crazy.
Circles. #1 app for narcissistic relationship group support.
Claim your $50 coupon now
Unsubscribe anytime.
We’ll never share your information.
By signing up, you agree to receive marketing messages to the email provided. Click “unsubscribe” on an email to unsubscribe. View our Privacy Policy and Terms of Service.
Why Narcissistic Traits Affect Marriage
So, how do these traits affect marriage? Living with someone like this can feel like a constant push and pull. You might end up feeling drained, insecure, or even isolated because everything always seems to revolve around him. Over time, it can start to feel like your needs don’t matter, which takes a toll on your self-esteem. His lack of empathy and constant need for attention can make things feel one-sided, with you always carrying the weight of the relationship. It’s exhausting and can really wear down your sense of self. In fact, the impact can be so great, it’s also possible to experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress from the relationship (Verywell Mind). To read more about the connection between narcissism and trauma, Verywell Mind discusses that in this article. If you’ve questioned the validity of your pain or confusion, let the connection between narcissistic relationships and trauma validate the seriousness for you.
Coping Strategies for Spouses of Narcissists
Taking care of yourself is really important when you’re dealing with a narcissistic partner. Doing things that make you feel good—like picking up hobbies, exercising, or spending time with supportive friends—can help you keep a sense of who you are. Verywell Mind notes that self-care can help you feel more grounded and boost your self-worth.
I have said this once, I will say it as many times as it takes—setting boundaries is key. Many people struggle with this, especially after years of manipulation. Start small, maybe by setting limits on conversations that turn negative or feel manipulative. If he starts to belittle you, calmly let him know those comments aren’t okay and, if you need to, walk away. It’s common for people to confuse boundary setting with trying to control someone. However, boundaries aren’t about trying to change someone; they’re about protecting your own peace. To break it down further: If he doesn’t speak to you respectfully or calmly, you are going to leave (or hang up the phone). This is how you enforce a boundary when someone refuses to listen to it. You show the other person that their choices have consequences, and you are letting them know what you are, or aren’t willing, to stand for. Be patient with yourself through this process, and keep trying, even if you fail at first.
It’s also helpful to manage your expectations. Some of his behaviors might not change, no matter how much you try. Accepting this can help you feel less disappointed and more in control. It doesn’t mean giving up hope—it just means recognizing what you can and can’t change.
Creating some emotional distance can make things easier too. By stepping back a bit from his attempts to provoke or control you, you’re able to focus more on your own well-being and let go of the impact his actions might have on you.
When to Seek Help in a Narcissistic Relationship
If living with a narcissistic partner has led to anxiety, depression, or constant exhaustion, seeking help can make a huge difference. Narcissistic behaviors can take a serious toll on mental health, and it’s essential to reach out for support. Therapy, support groups, or even trusted friends and family members can provide relief and guidance. The National Domestic Violence Hotline and CPTSD Foundation offer resources for those navigating emotionally harmful relationships (National Domestic Violence Hotline – Support Resources). If you are ready to move forward with leaving or divorcing your narcissist, Yamarie Negron has a great recovery guide.
FAQ
What causes narcissism in husbands?
Narcissism usually comes from a mix of different factors, like genetics, early experiences, and personality traits. It’s rarely due to just one thing; it’s more of a blend of influences over time.
How should I deal with a narcissistic husband?
To protect your own well-being, it’s essential to set boundaries, take care of yourself, and manage your expectations. Having a support system you can lean on can also make a big difference.
What are the effects of living with a narcissistic husband?
Living with a narcissistic partner can be tough. It can lead to feelings of emotional stress, low self-esteem, and even isolation. Recognizing these effects and finding ways to support yourself can go a long way in helping you feel more grounded and resilient.
Meet Circles – Your #1 Online Divorce Support Group
If you’re finding it challenging to cope in your relationship or are considering divorce, Circles offers online support groups specifically for people going through similar experiences. In these groups, you can connect with others, share your story, and receive guidance and support to help you navigate this difficult process. Wherever you are at in the process, whether you’re simply considering leaving, or just need help with the next steps, Circles is there.
Summary
Understanding narcissistic traits in a husband can empower you to recognize and cope with challenging behaviors. Living with a narcissist is never easy, but through self-care, boundary-setting, and a strong support network, you can protect your well-being and regain your strength. Remember, reaching out for help is a step forward, and you don’t have to go through it alone.
