Healing the Bond With Yourself
Rediscovering yourself after narcissistic abuse is a lifelong process for survivors. It goes deeper than just “getting back on the horse.” At its essence, narcissistic abuse recovery is the process of healing the bond with yourself. Finding yourself again and adopting a brand new identity rooted in self-love, personal empowerment, and understanding that you deserve healthy relationships. It’s a courageous path, but having passionately walked it for many years, I can reassure you that it’s worth it!
Awareness
With the right support and guidance it can actually help you become the best version of you. So, how do you find yourself after being exposed to a relationship that strips you of your identity? As I often tell my group members, the healing and transformational cycle requires a commitment to awareness, acceptance, and alignment. It’s about becoming aware of your needs, values, fears, desires and acknowledging how your thoughts, habits and behaviors influence the outcomes in your life.
Taking Control of Your Healing Process
In a nutshell, this journey begins when you’re ready to take personal responsibility for your healing process. This isn’t about blame or shame for the abuse and neglect you’ve suffered. It’s about being proactive in your recovery process so that you can reclaim your power, rebuild self worth, and co-create healthier relationship dynamics moving forward.
What Is a Narcissistic Relationship?
A narcissistic relationship is one in which one or more individuals exhibit narcissistic tendencies. These behaviors are often hardwired into their DNA, developed as a result of trauma and conditioning. Narcissistic abuse includes patterns of behaviors ranging from emotional, psychological, financial, sexual, to physical manipulation and control. Not everyone with narcissistic traits is a narcissist, however, in the context of a relationship with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder, this conduct is purposefully employed to diminish, exploit, and corrode the sense of self-worth of another person to serve their own ends.
Understanding The Spectrum of Narcissistic Abuse
The reasons for narcissistic traits are varied and not black and white. Someone may hav narcissistic traits due to their own wounding and trauma but not suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The complexity of this is what often makes survivors reluctant to leave. The hope that red flags might one day turn into green, makes the unbearable, bearable.
Here’s the truth: Even research is unclear on how common narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is, and some diagnostic criteria are difficult to measure accurately. That’s why it’s vital to focus on patterns of behavior rather than labeling or diagnosing the abuser.
While it’s completely valid to seek and want a solid diagnosis, these confirmations are rare. The unfortunate truth is that, regardless of what drives the narcissistic behavior, abuse is abuse. Anyone on the other side will tell you, the extent of the damage inflicted is difficult to quantify, and its impact is profound.
Shifting your focus from trying to understand the abuser to prioritizing your own safety and well-being is the most effective strategy for restoring your sense of identity and breaking free from the cycle of abusive relationships.
How to Get Back To You After Narcissistic Abuse — Step by Step Guide
Step One: No More “Are They or Aren’t They” Narrative
Instead of fixating on whether someone is or isn’t a narcissist, start classifying people as those who hurt or help on your healing journey. Regardless of where a relationship may fall on the spectrum, narcissistic relationships often exhibit specific patterns such as: manipulation, control, exploitation, lack of empathy, an insatiable need for validation, possession or harm, and refusal to admit personal wrongdoing. Excusing this behavior only makes it harder to break the cycle.
Step Two: Assess the Damage
Reflect on how the relationship has impacted you emotionally, mentally, and even physically. Chronic anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and self-doubt are just some of the common signs that might be experiencing a relationship-induced health battle. Remember, the first step to recovery is awareness. Learn how to spot the signs of emotional disconnection and deteriorating mental health. Were these symptoms present before your relationship with the narcissistic abuser?
Understanding these signs is critical in acknowledging the extent of the damage caused by the relationship. By recognizing these symptoms, you can begin to take the necessary steps toward healing and regaining control over your life.
Step Three: Discover Who You Are Outside Of Your Wounding
When you’ve endured narcissistic abuse, part of the healing journey is rediscovering the person you are beyond your fears and emotional scars. This may involve more than unpacking the present relationship you’re healing from. Take an existential inventory of what motivates your behavior, get back into old hobbies, and work with a professional who can walk you through how your lived experiences have shaped the way you perceive yourself.
