Introduction
Religion and spirituality can be a safe place for many people to find peace. However, others, like narcissists, might see religion as a means for control. Religion provides a major opportunity for people with these traits to elevate themselves and dominate over others by exploiting spirituality. We call this religious or spiritual narcissism, and yes, it happens more often than you might think (USA Today).
Understanding Religious Narcissism
Religious narcissism is much more than just being self-centered, it’s all about using faith as a tool for power. Narcissists like this will craft a public image of moral superiority, usually claiming a unique connection to God or spiritual truths. But beneath this mask is a need for control and admiration. Genuine spirituality focuses on humility and compassion, while religious narcissists twist these values to serve their own interests.
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Identifying Traits of a Religious Narcissist
Identifying a religious narcissist can feel complicated, especially since they often come across as deeply devout. But there are telltale signs:
Quick to Judge: They’re often critical, labeling others as sinful or unworthy while ignoring and disregarding their own flaws.
Public Displays: Grand gestures of faith, such as dramatic prayers or ostentatious acts of charity, are designed to attract attention rather than serve others.
Guilt as a Weapon: They’ll twist religious teachings to make others feel like they’re not doing enough, not believing enough, or simply not enough.
Deflecting Criticism: They will not take accountability for anything, so questioning their behavior often leads to accusations of irreverence or claims of divine authority.
Hypocrisy: Naturally, they do not “practice what they preach”, or they rarely do.
These traits are often hidden by a mask of piety. You can’t simply listen to what they say – you have to instead look closely at their actions and choices.
Impact of Spiritual Narcissism on Communities
- Erosion of Trust:
- Some people may feel betrayed by leaders or even by other peers who take advantage of their faith for selfish reasons. Communities can become divided.
- Spiritual Abuse:
- Victims experience emotional manipulation, guilt, and isolation, often questioning their own worthiness.
- Stifled Growth:
- Members may focus on meeting the narcissist’s demands instead of genuine spiritual development.
- Loss of Faith:
- Witnessing hypocrisy and abuse can lead individuals to abandon their faith altogether.

Strategies for Dealing with Religious Narcissists
So, how do we deal with someone like this? To deal with a religious narcissist, we need two things, awareness and action. Let me break this down a bit more. Here are some strategies you can put into action.
- Set Boundaries, and Stick to Them
Standing up to someone who twists faith to control you is tough, but you don’t have to let their behavior dictate your life. When they push, you can push back—kindly but firmly. If you say no, mean it. You don’t owe them endless explanations or debates about why you’re setting limits. In fact, avoid debates altogether. They’re not looking to understand; they’re looking to win.
- Limit Your Exposure
When possible, spend less time around the person. Protecting your mental and emotional well-being is reason enough to create some distance. Instead, focus on building relationships with people who make you feel safe and supported.
- Get the Right Kind of Help
It’s hard to deal with a narcissist alone. Talk to someone who can help you sort out your feelings and experiences—a therapist, a trusted friend, or a spiritual advisor who isn’t connected to the narcissist.
- Keep a Record
If the person causing harm is in a leadership role, keeping notes can be helpful. Write down what happened, when, and how it made you feel. It’s not about being petty; it’s about having clear details if you ever need to raise the issue with someone who can take action. Documentation gives weight to your concerns and helps others see the bigger picture.
- Focus on You
Reclaim your space. Spend time in personal spiritual practices that bring you peace, like quiet prayer, meditation, or journaling. These moments are yours—they’re a way to reconnect with your faith or inner strength, free from outside influence.
FAQs
How is religious narcissism different from general narcissism?
Religious narcissism uses faith as a weapon. While general narcissists thrive on personal vanity or control, religious narcissists manipulate through spirituality.
What motivates a religious narcissist?
Like all narcissists, they crave admiration and validation. For them, religion becomes a tool to gain status or power while covering up deep insecurities.
Why is guilt so powerful for them?
Guilt gives them control. By making others feel sinful or inadequate, they can steer behaviors and decisions to align with their own goals. It’s less about faith and more about power over others.
Recognizing Spiritual Abuse by Religious Narcissists
Spiritual abuse happens when someone twists religion into a tool for control. They might use fear—suggesting divine punishment if you step out of line—or guilt, making you feel unworthy or unfaithful for questioning them. They might isolate you, too, cutting off access to other perspectives or relationships that could help you break free.
You see these patterns a lot with cult leaders, but it happens in smaller, less obvious ways too. A pastor who says you’re disrespecting God if you don’t obey them, or a mentor who uses prayer as a weapon to shame you, are also examples of spiritual abuse.
Preventing Spiritual Narcissism in Leadership Roles
Good leadership isn’t about control—it’s about serving and supporting others. To stop power from being misused, leaders need to be held accountable. That might mean regular feedback from the community, a review process, or a group of people keeping an eye on decisions. Why? Because when leaders know there’s oversight, it is harder for their harmful behaviors to go unnoticed.
But here’s the most important part: people need to feel safe speaking up. If the community knows their concerns will be heard and taken seriously, toxic behaviors don’t have as much room to grow.
Supporting Victims of Religious Narcissism
If you’ve been hurt by a religious narcissist, it’s normal to doubt yourself. You might wonder if it was really as bad as you remember, or if you’re being too sensitive. The truth is, if something made you feel small or ashamed, then of course it matters. Your pain is valid! Don’t let anyone convince you that it’s not.
It can always be helpful to talk about your pain. As always, I suggest finding a good therapist or confiding in a friend that you trust, or joining a support group so that you have someone who can listen and validate you without judgement.
Part of your healing may also mean finding ways to reclaim your spiritual side once again, but in a way that feels good. This could mean starting with journaling , meditation, or other ways you can explore your faith. The key here is that you’re doing it on your terms and no one else’s.
And don’t forget—recovery is a process. It takes time! Yes, some days might feel easier than others, and that’s okay.
For more on healing from narcissistic trauma, read my article here.
Meet Online Circles’ Support Groups
If you need a little extra support, give Circles a try. Circles is a support group for people struggling to navigate challenging relationships like narcissism. It’s a great place to finally feel seen and heard, and to voice your frustrations to people who truly understand what you’re going through. Circles is a safe, anonymous space with expert facilitators to help guide the healing process.
Summary
Religious narcissism distorts faith, turning what should be a source of love and growth into a tool for control. But recognizing its traits and addressing its impact allows individuals and communities to heal. By making a few changes, including setting boundaries, seeking support, and fostering accountability in leadership, we can make moves to protect ourselves and others from its harm.