Introduction
Toxic relationships can be hard to recognize. This is especially true when you’re in the middle of one. Why is that? At first everything might seem fine. Over time though, you might feel drained or anxious. You may start to question yourself all the time. This toxic dynamic isn’t unique to romantic relationships. You may come to realize your relationship with a partner, a friend, or even a family member is toxic over time.
If you constantly feel like you’re walking on eggshells, feeling stressed or are questioning your worth, it’s probably time to take a closer look at what’s happening. In this article, we’ll talk about the signs of a toxic relationship, how it affects your mental and physical health, and what you can do to take care of yourself. By recognizing the warning signs, you can start to take back control and find the support you need.
10 Common Signs of a Toxic Relationship
Toxic relationships don’t always look the same, but there are a few patterns (or red flags) that stand out. If any of these sound familiar, it’s worth taking a closer look at what’s happening in your relationship:
- Constant Criticism or Belittling
Do you feel like nothing you do is ever right? Is it never good enough? A toxic partner might nitpick the way you look, how you talk, or even little things like how you load the dishwasher. They’ll often disguise it as a “joke,” but the more it happens, the harder it is not to feel bad about yourself.
- Control and Manipulation
Does it feel like your partner has to have the final say on everything—who you see, what you wear, or how you spend your time? Toxic people often rely on manipulation, like guilt trips or gaslighting, to keep you in line. Over time, you might start doubting your own decisions and feel like you’re losing yourself.
- Lack of Respect
Healthy relationships are built on respect, but in a toxic one, that’s usually missing. Ignoring boundaries, brushing off your feelings, or acting like their time is more important than yours are all signs that respect is off the table.
- Blame Shifting
Ever notice how it’s never their fault? In a toxic relationship, your partner might twist every situation to make you feel like you’re the problem, even when it’s clearly on them. There will be little to no accountability for anything. After a while, you might start believing you really are the problem, even though deep down you know it’s not true.
- Emotional Withdrawal
Have you ever found yourself on the other end of the silent treatment? Your partner might shut you out completely during arguments or refuse to engage when you need to talk. This kind of emotional withdrawal can, understandably, leave you feeling alone or rejected.
- Jealousy and Possessiveness
Some jealousy is normal, but constant accusations or trying to control who you talk to isn’t. It’s a red flag if your partner feels the need to do things like going through your phone, questioning your every move, or trying to isolate you from friends and family with the excuse that they’re just “looking out for you.” Let me jump in here – they’re not.
- Feeling Constantly Drained
Do you feel like you’re always tiptoeing around, trying not to upset your partner? This is common in toxic relationships and can be exhausting—especially when you’re constantly putting in the effort to keep the peace. The truth is, that kind of peace-keeping is not sustainable. Eventually, you will burn out from carrying such a heavy load.
- Frequent Arguments or Hostility
Disagreements are normal, but in a toxic relationship, arguments often get out of hand (and quickly). Yelling, name-calling, or personal attacks are not healthy forms of communication, and if you are always left feeling hurt and frustrated, with no attempts to find a real solution, this is a red flag.
- Unequal Effort
In a toxic relationship, one person often ends up doing all the work—whether it’s making plans, solving problems, or managing emotions. It can feel like you’re the only one trying to make the relationship work, and that’s exhausting.
- Fear or Anxiety
If you’re afraid of how your partner will react to something or feel like you’re always walking on eggshells, that’s a major sign of toxicity. Relationships should make you feel safe, not constantly on edge. Let me say that again to really drive the point home—your partner should make you feel safe. This feeling isn’t something that should be conditional either, meaning you shouldn’t feel safe sometimes under certain conditions (i.e. when your partner is in a good mood, at a certain time of day, etc.). Safety should be a given.
Yamarie Negron goes into detail with 50 signs and symptoms of narcissistic abuse in this article. Though you may or may not be dealing with a narcissist, these signs and symptoms can also be common in dysfunctional or toxic relationships and may be worth the read!
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Emotional and Psychological Indicators
Toxic relationships do more than cause conflict, they also can take a serious toll on you emotionally and mentally. Maybe you feel anxious all the time, questioning every decision you make, or maybe you blame yourself for things that aren’t even your fault. Over time, this can wear you down. You might feel like you’re not good enough (spoiler alert you are). The truth is, you might be trying to keep someone happy who will never be satisfied, no matter what you do (or don’t do). For more on how toxic relationships may impact your mental health, Science of Mind has a great article here.
Gaslighting is another big issue in these relationships. Maybe they’ve told you, “You’re overreacting,” or “That never happened,” even when you know it did. This kind of manipulation can leave you doubting yourself and questioning what’s real, making you feel like you’re losing your sense of self.
Physical Signs and Behaviors
One thing we often don’t talk about enough is how stress can affect us physically, not just mentally. If you think a toxic or unhealthy relationship isn’t going to affect your physical health, you’re vastly underestimating the effect it can have. But what can that look like? You may struggle with things like headaches, tight shoulders or body tension, or you may have trouble sleeping. Long-term stress like this can even lower your immune system, leaving you run-down or causing you to get sick more often. Some people also cope by overeating, drinking, or pulling away from friends and family, which can make things feel worse. The Mayo Clinic delves deeper into the ways in which stress can affect you physically.
Think about how your body reacts around this person. Do you feel tense, like your chest is tight or your stomach is in knots? These physical reactions are often your body’s way of telling you something’s wrong.
Impact of Toxic Relationships on Mental Health
Toxic relationships don’t just hurt while you’re in them, they can leave a deeper impact on your mental health even when they’re over. You might feel anxious more often, doubting your choices or even your own worth. Many people in these situations struggle with low self-esteem, feeling like they’re not good enough, or carrying guilt and shame that doesn’t really belong to them.
We also carry baggage from our past relationships into our new ones. This may mean some of those unhealthy patterns or defense mechanisms you picked up in your toxic relationship stick with you in your next relationships. It might be hard to trust again, or to open up. Maybe you are more guarded than you used to be. It’s valid to struggle with feelings of safety or security in a relationship after what you went through.
If this feels familiar, it’s important to remind yourself that these feelings aren’t your fault. Toxic relationships can make anyone doubt themselves. Recognizing how the relationship has affected you is the first step to moving forward. It’s not always easy to shift your focus to your own well-being, but taking that step is one of the most important things you can do to heal.
Steps to Address and Overcome Toxic Relationships
- Recognize the Problem
The hardest part is often admitting the relationship is toxic. It’s natural to make excuses or hope things will get better, but try and be honest with yourself about what’s happening. This is huge.
- Assess Your Relationship
Ask yourself some tough questions: “Am I happy more often than not? Do I feel safe, supported, and respected?” Taking a step back can help you see things more clearly.
- Set Boundaries
Boundaries are about protecting your mental and emotional health. What behaviors are you no longer willing to accept? Things like yelling, name-calling, or being ignored are a good place to start—and communicate that clearly. Remember, boundaries are not about controlling someone else; they’re about deciding what you’re no longer willing to put up with, and protecting yourself.
- Seek Support
Talk to someone you trust! Maybe it’s a close friend, family member, or therapist. Sharing what you’re going through can absolutely help you feel less alone and give you a (necessary) fresh perspective.
- Focus on Self-Care
Taking care of yourself is so important, especially in tough situations. Spend time on things that make you happy or help you feel grounded, like exercising, journaling, or reconnecting with a hobby. Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s necessary for rebuilding your confidence and sense of self.
FAQ
What are the long-term effects of toxic relationships?
Anxiety, depression, or trouble trusting others are a few common effects of toxic relationships. But with time, support, and self-care, it’s absolutely possible to heal and rebuild your confidence.
How can one heal after leaving a toxic relationship?
Healing takes time, but focusing on yourself is key. Spend time with people who make you feel good, rediscover hobbies that bring you joy, and consider therapy or support groups if you need extra support. Practices like journaling or mindfulness can also help you process your emotions. Patty Canton has a great article exploring the various forms of therapy that may help you heal from toxic relationships.
Are toxic relationships common?
Unfortunately, yes. Toxic dynamics happen in romantic relationships, friendships, and even families. The good news is that recognizing the signs can help you break free and start moving forward.
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Summary
Toxic relationships can be exhausting, both emotionally and physically, but you don’t have to stay stuck. Recognizing the signs, getting support, and focusing on your own well-being are all steps toward moving forward. You deserve relationships that bring you peace and happiness—not ones that drag you down. With the right tools and support, you can take control and find the happiness you deserve.
